So yes. Yes, it is Tuesday. And yes I do know I was supposed to post on Friday. Do I have an excuse? Not a legit one, so I won’t bore you. 

I don’t like to like. I don’t like people. I find the negative. Everything is an obstacle. I stress over stress. I take the easy way, but I never quit. I feel weaker than a guinea pig. My back hurts, probably shouldn’t have slept on my couch the other day. I worry about current relationships failing and worry about not being able to make new relationships while I’m gone. I waste most of my day away on my phone. I probably should shower more, TMI? I’m not sure how my new job is going to go. I tend to be way too critical, and rude, and most of the time I have no regard to how my actions affect other people. And I feel like my relationship with God is only hanging on by a thread. I’m not living up to my truest potential. I’m fake. I spend too much time caring about things that don’t matter, like looks and how I appear to others, and not enough time on what actually matters, my attitude, and my relationship with God. I suppose to sum up I’m a terrible person. I could use the excuse of only being human. But I don’t want to. I don’t want an excuse, I want to be better, I want to be respectful, have a strong relationship with friends and family more importantly God, I want...well no NEED to shower more (don’t get me wrong I DO shower more than once a week. What do you take me as a Neanderthal?), I want to not worry or be nervous about everything, I want to build up my muscles, I want to not be stressed, AND I want to not be a terrible person.  I want God to continue to change me so that one day I am prepared for the mission field. 

Yesterday my mom suggested that I just write whatever is bugging me and is on my mind. So there it is. And note this is how I really feel, I don’t want to be judged or worse be given pity. What I want is advice and help. Prayer and scripture. I can’t do this alone and am struggling with so much. I should be able to write this and be telling you about what I read in my devotionals and “Jesus” books ( that’s what I call the books that you read to better yourself but aren’t the Bible), but I can’t. I read them and do them, but I couldn’t tell you what they actually meant. I’m a mess. And I don’t feel qualified enough to speak something that I don’t even understand, and probably had no real meaning to me.  So guys if you could do me a favor and blow me up with comments with advice, books, scripture, or you could just scold me. At this point, I will take anything.

Now that you know more about me than even I do, I’m going to steer in another direction….SUPPORT letters! I have almost sent them all out. So if you haven’t got one then it could be on the way. You could also reach out and I’ll make sure that you are sent one if one hasn’t already been sent. If that makes sense. 

Now money. The big number right now is $1,220 and some odd number for spending money. Making me almost 8% fully funded. For those who can’t do fast math that is $2,280 to go till my first goal, which is due on June 16. 

Speaking of June, I have booked flights for boot camp, and I’m actually leaving a few days early to spend a few days with my Uncle and Aunt. And I’m SUPER excited about that!!!! I haven’t seen him since I was a tiny tot, so I’m basically meeting him for the first time. Which is cool, I get to meet more family! 

Anyway since I have spilled the beans about everything in my life, I think it’s time for me to stop while I still have time. 

Have a GREAT day!!! Be HAPPY!! and please please please remember to PRAY!!!! Love you guys! And I’ll see you guys on Friday!

Oh and please do comment!