Hey guys!
So the first thing I want to say is to thank you for all your love and support on my last blog post. I hate to string all my struggles on you, but you seem to take it like a champ. Enough mushy stuff though, how about I get to the good stuff? All in favor say “I”.
“I”. And the I’s have it. Though it was only me…so I’m not sure if it counts. Haha
As I’ve mentioned before I struggle with not feeling worthy enough and being extremely negative toward myself. I honestly don’t know when it started, it’s been most of my life that I haven’t been positive towards myself. Not something I’m proud of, but it is an issue that I’ve been trying to work on in these past few months. Though not much has changed, I do find myself trying harder to not say negative things toward myself.
Recently my mom gave me a book to read that covers not feeling loved and worthy when surrounded by the people that love you most. I was kind of skeptical of it because most of the “Jesus” books that she has given me in the past I was never really able to relate to, but this one I did. It didn’t even take me a full chapter before I read something that really hit home. The book called Uninvited, written by Lyssa TerKeurst said, “Honesty isn’t trying to hurt me. It’s trying to heal me.” So as a person who doesn’t like to be told what to do or be wrong, this hit home. I am constantly faced with honesty. Whether or be someone complimenting me, or my parents telling me I screwed up. It’s always there, and not just lurking in the shadows. It’s right in my face, up close and personal. Probably close enough to tell what I ate for breakfast three days ago. So reading what TerKeurst wrote, was like a slap in my face. I realized then, that my parents aren’t telling me how much I screwed up to hurt me, and make me feel like a horrible person, they are telling me so I don’t become a horrible person. And the people who are giving me compliments and are genuinely just trying to be nice, aren’t trying to challenge my thinking. They are simply saying their opinion to hopefully make my day seem a little brighter. And on the off chance, someone is flirting with me, make me feel like I’m worth their time. NOT trying to be a weird creep, well maybe some of them.
So I can take honesty and think of it as a challenge I have to fight against, and ya’ll know I would win against most random dudes on the street. But honesty isn’t some random dude, he’s calculated and trained, he’s like Obi-Wan Kenobi. Which would make me Anakin, the stupid Jedi who always had to be right and in control, he never listened to Obi-Wan. And we all know how that ended and if you don’t then I’m not sure we can be friends till you watch the full Star Wars Saga. haha.
So anyway that was my thoughts for the week, I can move on to good news and numbers now.
Good news or numbers first? I don’t know why I bother asking if no one will reply till after I post, and no one is home for me to ask so eenie meenie minie mo it is. Annnnnd numbers have it!! And the crowds go wild. (YEAAAA!!!)
So I’ve raised $700 since Tuesday!!! I just looked at the numbers a was in complete shock! I can’t express how thankful I am! The current number is $1,750 with a couple hundred in cash for random expenses. And math is well would you look at that $1,750! We are halfway to my first goal and 11% funded on my total funds needed. I just can’t believe the numbers! I thank God for allowing me to go through this journey with all these people part of my team! Praise God!!!
ANNNNDD…. Now for even more good news and more good news! Saturday is my last day at my current employment! I am so excited to be starting my new job, which I actually don’t know when I’m starting. Haha. And more good news!! My birthday is in like in 5 days!!! I’ll be 17 and living life like….well not like any other ordinary 17 year old. But who likes ordinary anyway? I certainly don’t. Ordinary people don’t do half the things I do in my life. And I’m okay with that. I like my life. Well except for today I don’t like taking Iowa assessments. Being a Senior that isn’t technically a senior sucks!! Like Majorly!!
Anyway….!
Have a GREAT day!!! Be HAPPY!! and please please please remember to PRAY!!!! Love you guys! And I’ll see you guys on Friday!
Oh Kiddo, I think you are more normal than you give yourself credit for. Maybe you are a little socially awkward…and I mean “a little”. You need to learn to love yourself. Now that may be easier said than done, but it is possible. I’m sure you aren’t aware of how many people love you. So many do. I do. I pray that the Lord will help you become a self confident young lady. I am overwhelmed with your compassion to become a missionary. I am so happy you are in my life. Grandpa and I love you and we believe in you.