Let’s play a game.
We all remember the game two truths and a lie right? Well let’s play for a sec…or I guess I’m just going to play.
Round 1:
#1: God only gives me battles I can handle, that he knows I’m strong enough for
#2: As I’m writing this I feel like I am about to barf
#3: I’m not strong enough to overcome the homesickness I am feeling
I’ll give you a few seconds…
And the lie is #3. This is something that I have been battling. Trying to find the strength to continue when sometimes my heart is not even here, it’s back home. But what keeps me grounded and shows me that #3 is a lie, is the truth that is #1. God will only give me things he knows I’m strong enough to handle, even if I struggle to see it at the moment.
And here’s the cool part, God already showed me I can overcome it by having me fast my family for three weeks. I didn’t think I was going to make it, but the more I leaned on God and the more I opened myself up to my team, God showed me that I was strong enough. That all I needed to do was go to him for everything. He already taught me about Joy I guess the next lesson was then to be taught that God is also where my strength comes from. I knew this, I did. My favorite verse is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all this through him who gives me strength”, but sometimes knowing and believing are totally different things. Actually, I find that most of the time knowing and believing are always different. Oh and #2 is also true, it’s a sick day for me.
Round 2:
#1: What hurts me also hurts God
#2: It’s selfish for me to grieve, and to sit in the pain that death brough me
#3: I didn’t fully grieve Kaiden’s death. (Close friend of mine from when I was a kid who passed away a few years ago at age of 14)
Again just a few seconds…
The lie is #2. And based on #3 you can guess where that lie came from. It was his birthday last week and for some reason it hit me harder than before. I started to feel things and question things that I had never done before. I got mad at myself for bringing up things that I felt I had no right to feel anymore. That because I had already “grieved” him I wasn’t allowed to feel it anymore. I started to realize that when I first grieved him i didn’t allow myself to sit in the pain or allow myself to question why bad things happen. I answered all the questions myself. the why? “because God gave is free will” simple as that. But this time around I started to dig deeper into questions, memmories, the what ifs, the things he didn’t get to do, and the things we were suppsosed to do together. I got mad. that’s something I never had done before. I guess what i’m trying to say is that the #2 that lie has held me back for years. But the truth that is #1 allowed me to come at it from a different angle. God was hurting to. His child died. His child was brutally taken away from the world. A life he created was ended. He was hurting like I was. And he was feeling it at such a deeper level than I could ever understand, he was feeling it from every perspective a person could have :A father, a freind, a mother, a sibling. And yet he still chose to bring it up again. He chose to grieve with me, to be my comfort. He chose to walk in my pain with me and give me a support group that I didn’t even know I needed.
And yet again the lesson of Joy popped up, but also he was teaching me that he is my comfort. Making me believe that he is my comfort, taking my knowledge and showing me how to believe in it. It made me think about the verse Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”. I’ve seen it I’ve known it but never expiereinced it, becuase running from my pain seemed easier. I guess then in a way I was running from this verse. But in the end, even though I’m still grieving, I know that God is here with me.
Round 3: (just for fun, I’ll let you guess)
#1: I curretly have an odd number of socks
#2: I currently have four rings and a toe ring
#3. Before my brother gets married I am going to shave all the hair off my head
Have fun figuring out which is the lie. I’ll add it to the coments next week which is which.
Also it has been requested that I make my blog into a podcast version, so I am currently working on how to do that. And fingers crossed I can figure it out soon. I was actually done with this blog…well I wrote this like two weeks ago. Ope. And was trying to figure it out but there were some technical difficulties, so that is why I hadn’t posted it or the podcast version of it.
however I did figure it out and just need to find a quiet room to record in, so if you guys want to check out the intro episode (not very good, but still there) it’s on Spotify. I named it “The Truth Behind the Race”.
Enjoy!
Have a GREAT day!!! Be HAPPY!! and please please please remember to PRAY!!!! Love you guys!
